I got the call late on Friday. Old friend R. Kennedy and his Brazilian sidekick ********** were on tour hyping the latest CD from their band The Jam Messengers- GUILTY and were in a bit of a pickle. *********girlfriend ******** was driving her car, schlepping them from gig to gig, and 2 shows into a 17 show tour the strain of being on the road was already starting to show. It seems ******** being from the south, had taken a chastity pledge and had somehow forgotten to tell ********. Purity Balls had turned blue and in desperation Kennedy called me to see if I could help. ******* could no longer sit at the drums.
I listened patiently. "I don't know what I can do." I said, sympathizing with the sitch. "How about marrying them?" RK suggested. "I don't think this tour can continue without doing something." Rob moaned. I could hear LIKE A VIRGIN playing in the background. Well, we did have a Halloween party scheduled for Sat. I guess it theoretically could work. If they could somehow secure a license before the county clerk's office closed for the weekend.....well my credentials were in order.
So it was, that on one day's notice we here at the CLGM joined in holy mime matrimony ******** and *******. Shewho and I came as the " Mimes of ISIS" and I was able to administer the wedding vows in silence, letting my white gloves do all the talking. They tied the imaginary knot and I hope they will live happily ever after. The congregation witnessed the event in full costume, I signed the papers and the newlyweds took off today, heading for Maryland. Did they have sex last night? I guess those of you who can make the Fredericksburg gig will have to let the rest of us know how ******** straddles that stool tonight. For those of you who are about to fuck....we salute you.
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