THEY SNIPPED MY CHEEKY

   I've been a cat lady since I moved up here 20 years ago. First came Cali. She had kittens: Itchy, Bitchy and Twitchy. After that came Monkey Balls. He was a blue Persian with giant nuts. I never got his glorious testicles removed, and he subsequently would disappear for months at a time. The last time I saw him was New Years Eve 2000. He had changed personalities. I blamed it on Y2K. He meowed so much I kicked him back out in the snow. I never saw him again. Then Marta (Nicole) and Tommy (Paris Hitler) sought out a port in the storm after Carlito took off for San Salvador on vacation, showing up and refusing to leave. After that came Ray Gilkey, Mr. Kitty and Spooky Cat. I think that brings us up to date. If I've forgotten anyone i apologize. They are all gone now, never leaving a trace. I'm assuming some sort of cat rapture is in effect around here.
    So for the time being it's just Cheeky and me. And because this kitten is both an indoor and outdoor cat i decided to get him neutered. It was tough. I sat him down and we had "the" talk. He looked at me blankly, all big coal black eyes and tilted head. "It's for the best." I promised. "It's a very simple procedure....virtually painless.... you won't even....."Then he batted my nose with his paw and and jumped into my leather bag. Ooooooh that scamp.
    The next day i dropped him off at the vet. He took it like a trooper, never even meowing in the truck. As the girl at the counter filled out the form i inquired as to the disposal plans for the soon to be freed testes. "We throw them out. Why?" she asked with a frown. "Well Xmas is coming up. I thought maybe my taxidermist could make a couple of earrings for my girlfriend." She went back to the paper. "I'll ask the vet."
   Today Shewho picked up Cheeky at the vet's and brought him over to my place. He was fine. I was so worried he would change personality without his balls. But no. He was the same old Cheeky, doing the monkey leap and chasing his tail and going for my nipple (weening can be difficult). I was so glad to have him home. "Are there any instructions?" I asked Shewho. "No. He may lick back there and if there's spotting let them know. No baths." Who the fuck would bathe a kitten after it had been castrated? "Oh. And the girl gave me this." she said, handing me a small bag. "She said you'd know and wished me Merry Xmas. What's that about?" I just shrugged and hugged my clipped little kitten. Ho Ho Ho.